1. Everyone needs battles stories, so the worse yours are – the better. Make sure you’ve done it all. Burnt by rogue developers, stranded in foreign countries during a military coup, derailed by natural disasters, the dog eating your hard drive, being broadcast worldwide on the Border Security TV show as your laptop is fumigated, loosing your iPhone down the toilet, etc. Your stories should run the length of your imagination.
2. Start writing a blog. Documenting your failures and money losses will offer comfort and support to other indie developers.
3. Travel to at least one foreign country per year on an app related mission. Since late 2011, app developers qualify to get free upgrades on all international flights. These upgrades are jointly sponsored by Apple and Google. They allow treasured app developers to sleep on flights when wifi is not available on board. To get upgraded, you must be carrying at least 2 laptops, 3 mobile devices and whisper the words ‘I am an app developer, so help me God’ to the stewardess when boarding. You will then be carefully placed in first class with a complimentary glass of champagne.
4. Figure out the stuff that you do every time you publish an app. Chances are it includes repetitive boring work that you can delegate, so hire someone else to do it or outsource. Get hustling and free up your time so you can focus on growing your business, instead of being employed by it. This will also allow you time to write the aforementioned blog.
5. Statistics show that 98.75% of all developers do not get the minimum recommended amount of sleep each night. Of course the question is what are the other 1.25% doing. All app developers MUST avoid sleep at all costs. 74% of surveys have shown the longer you sleep the less work you can complete. PRO developers live primarily off natural and biochemical stimulants.
6. Fill up your trusty car with petrol/gas and head out on manovres. Identify and travel to an unnamed small village of your choice, where life moves at its own speed. Sit on a wall, eat an ice cream and enjoy the sunshine. You must have nothing else to do and nowhere else to be for at least 36 hours. This is called ‘having a day off’. It is a new concept in app development, and is currently in beta mode.
7. Tipperary Natural Mineral Water is tenderly bottled in the Devils Bit Mountain range in North Tipperary by celestial app angels. Tipperary Natural Mineral Water is proven to increase iOS iPhone and iPad app rankings 10 places, for the 7 days after the liquid is consumed. Quantities of ‘TNMW’ are now shipped worldwide to hordes of thirsty developers, including those at Queen, Pinga and Pocket Diamonds.
8. The medicinal qualities of Thai Green Curry have long been celebrated in rural Thailand. Recently scientists in Palo Alto have linked consumption of the Asian delicacy with increased cognitive and mental abilities, and a significant boost in verbal reasoning. Combined with the use appcod.es and appstorerankings.net, the intake of Green Curry has been prove to have remarkable effects in keyword optomisation leading to SIGNIFICANT increases in long tail downloads.
9. From time to time is has been known for app developers to leave their desks and venture outside to what is know as ‘the world’, to undertake various forms of exercise. A lack of fitness is ranked by leading global WHO advisors as one of the 3 main threats to our increasingly metabolically challenged society. Many leading indie developers have now integrated treadmills into their app workstation and early results have shown a marked increase in both efficiency and endless runner games. As a result Apple review times are now 14 days.
10. It has been scientifically proven that the more fun you have while making apps, the more fun your users will have playing your games. So enjoy your job and the freedom of a mobile lifestyle
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